It all started when my dad started doing drugs and alcohol. Heavily. I blamed myself for everything that happened. From my mom and dad fighting constantly, to my dad always passed out, I even blamed myself when my parents were separated. It was awful. I hated my self. I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, it was so bad. To be honest, I wanted to kill myself. I blamed myself so much, that I almost started cutting myself. I attempted at cutting, but I could never do it. So that led into me thinking of ways to kill myself. I thought about hanging myself (which I did try to do at one point). I thought about running away from home in hopes that someone would either murder me or I would starve to death. I even thought about getting a hold of a gun and shooting myself. Like I said, it was bad. I felt useless, ugly, stupid, pathetic, hopeless... I always wondered how someone would ever love someone like me. When my parents got a divorce, I came to the point where I was so desperate for something different. I needed SOMETHING that could change my life and changed the way I looked at myself. Sometime after New years, my mom asked me to come to church with her. I thought man is this woman out of her skin?! She actually wants me to go to CHURCH! But I went, just to make her happy. When I walked into the doors of Third Day, I knew this wasn't like any church I have been to in the past. Something about it was different. You could actually feel God there. I mean, tangibly FEEL Him. So I kept going. And going. And going. I couldn't get enough of this man they called Jesus. After going to the church for a while, I started going to Revolution, the youth and young adults ministry. Guess what? I have been going there ever since. So the month of May rolled around. Mother's Day to be exact. And I was sitting in church, not even listening to Pastor. I was thinking I have been going to church for a while now. Am I ready to give my life to God? Right after I thought that, Pastor gave the call for anyone who would like to give their life to Christ. This was it. This was my chance. I shot up my hand and I said the prayer. I just gave my life to Christ. It felt good. I felt new. But something deep within me still didn't feel right. It was not until Culture Shift the following summer, that I found out what wasn't feeling right that day. Tommie Zito had prayed over me, and I was on the floor. I started balling. I heard God's voice for the first time that day. He said to me, Carley, you have never felt the love of a Father. Your dad abandoned you and rejected you, and that's the only type of father you have come to know. But if you will let me today, I want to show what a Father's love really is. I let Him. I felt Him wrap His arms around me that day. I felt Him squeeze me until all the hurt and rejection was gone. I felt the Father's love. For the first time ever, I felt loved. I saw myself as beautiful and I now want to LIVE for Christ. Jesus changed my life. Forever.
Well y'all, there you have it. That's what God had done in my life three years ago. I hope you enjoyed it and I only pray that this has impacted someone. I am now going to enjoy my birthday with my family :)
God bless my friends.
Love,
Carley
Absolutely amazing what God does.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Beautiful Girl! <3